if you leave ,then i'm alone again, i really need help ,please come back ,i'm worried ,

i'm back to normal but i'm not happy ,i talk to my ex ,my feelings disappeared,i saw my ex ,deep deep anger still there,i want my old feelings back so i'll have something to treasure,so i'll have nothing to worry about ,to feel free.

i'm tired of putting my all in everything and have it crush into nothing,

please,
knowing she doesn't love me .still hurts, really does, having friend ,i can see through or everything isn't something i like ,i know too much ,i see to much ,i'm scare.

not being alone ,but having to watch people, i care or love change,depress ,and suck bloodless so badly is killing me ,

I'm learning not to care ,it's not making me feel any better ,it just make me feel like I'm abandoning everyone ,i should learn to stand again

what scare me , I'm finally learning to hate ,

to go straight and speaking my mind with out touch of others,i always wanted to ask this ,have you ever had someone tell you they fell in love with you ,they won't care how much pain it take to make you feel better ,for you to love them back ,when i do it ,i listen to the great pain,painfullest lines ,and answering ,go ahead i like learning about you ,i never want to feel that again, this was the reason i felt i shouldn't give up on lynn ,i saw her go through the same thing ,the only differences, she gave up on me ,when i did my all and finish tall ,she didn't believe a word ,i said,i saw the greatest pain in her tears ,as i saw the greatest person she could have become ,as of i if only i died before ,i gave up my love and greatest memory ,for something forever i though as she agreed,a lie i only wish i would've stop,i told her the truth the real reason i pick her ,she didn't believe me on that ,it's funny to me ,she hurt me ,i still want her to be my family ,how much of a dumb ass can i be ? i was giving the person that shot me another bullet with a better gun,


i gave up on my friends for her to let go of crap that was there ,she kept telling me ,i didn't ask you to, she honestly didn't notice anything of what i was saying ,

i guess, I'm saying this again ,this website is so lonely ,to be honest ,i kept a lot of people together ,they kept disappearing in front of me, making me more sad inside,to make them let go .just wasn't right ,so I'm so scare ,really i am .i don't really hate people, I'm really just just afraid of they done to themselves and to me ,

if this is good byb then i have go to

thanks a lot for the ~~~^__^

i'm going to just keep this here ,a friend ask me those question because he doesn't know how it ever happen with me

1) Have you ever been in love?
twice ,it feel like ,well i put some of it in this journal that not done ,[link] ,there are many definitions for it ,but the best thing that describe it ,is that it's a feeling that touches your soul ,breathless,a torch that brighten the day,

2) Have you ever loved and lost?
i lost four relationship , i only been in four ,i been a crush countless time from people that know me for years,know it would piss me they never told and now i can't trust anyone in school ,the first one ,four years, long distances but live a cross the street from me ,she like a sister after the relationship,the second one,two years, she didn't like people period, she just like holding someone thats close and not feeling alone, and i didn't know they were sister,there last name were Nyuwen ,they were suppose to be twins ,the parents like me but at the same time, believe i wasn't the type of guy the suited them ,so the parents i met twice and they were the reason we broke up, the third one ,is my idol that gave me words that i followed and succeed a lot with, she cheat on me and well i still loved her ,it was all my fault for not having any self confidence ,my fourth one ,her name Lynn, the first girl that really fell for me deeper than anyone ,telling me it was like seeing snow for the first time knowing it's the final time it will fall having someone warm holding you as you watch it beauty ,she believe ,her friend over me and curse my life ,now she know, she was wrong and trying deeply inside ,to not suicide ,i keep telling her it's okay we can still try but she said it not the same ,why inside from her face cry in front of me?,i still don't want to give up ,

3) How did you move on?
having friends that love you, can help you through time to get over a relationship, a good ideal is have a close friend, you can talk to and slowly learn to accept everything,

the great moments in life ,will always have the deepest meaning ,as time comes you will learn that everything has the mirage and disaster .i really had to be alone for a long time to get back to normal ,being alone and letting go helps,keeping busy is the fastest way

thanks for the fav on "Ducky?" it means a lot to me

--
I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good man sin, I've seen a tough man cry, I've seen a loser win, And a sad man grin, I heard an honest man lie. I've seen the good side of bad, the downside of up, and everything between. ~Everlast

sorry to bother you ,if you can keep writing to keep me humane it would really help ,it'll make it easier to still friends ,

i always feel alone,
i knew pain,sorrow,and felt enjoy move back to forward.

i seen life grow,move,and turn to the most saddens points the sun brightening the day,i never felt light so easy and moved,I'll never give the slightest pain, to who i know has any of those gifts to me, the ones that try I'm going to give all i can,

life greatest gifts are family,friends,and love
my family are the closest choice, when times comes they are first to protect, friends can always move as you grow ,the ones that have you at heart are always there to move the greatest mountains ,to have guides to move your pain to you for the truth or away from to softest move oms,

love, there are many that will stand along the greatest pain ,the greatest moment are always there. As you remember them ,

you will always remember the slightest sorrow with the greatest moment of joy,the ones that stand even the ending of the love are the ones that will love you enough to watch you find love ,there are many love ones for me but there will on;y be inside me ,

i will only grow
to grow ,is to learn from experiences ,to fail many times,i will learn to do finish in one try other experiences ,i will hold this as a experience with ,to learn what was real ,to remember if there a truth or not ,there is always forward so i will move on ,

no matter how long your gone
i'm going to miss you,no matter how many friends i have or love ,there is always you just you and Lynn that touch me ,enough for me to trust ,i know i don't love you but i know i care about you,i know i still love Lynn ,so i said no to someone that know me well ,i can't hold anything without hurting myself so i going to walk until i get better